There is a Monster under my bed

*********************************UPDATE************************************

It has been recommended and suggested that I let the readers know, you will judge this blog entry on many unknown facts. This is not about a man made or even a self made demon,

 this truly is about the unknown and accept what you can not change. 

Please enjoy!!!!!

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There is a monster under my bed, one without a name.

You will ask, "What is your monster, Kristin?"

Fortunately or unfortunately, those explanations will be left to be chronicled later. Not to say that they won't but its for another day and another time. As for today, why am I taking a moment to tell you about this so called "Monster" Well, because this person, me, has so many people whom look up to her; I want and need people to know I have my own monsters to survive.

Right now, it is a quiet monster, one that affects me only in minor ways; not everyday but on the days it peeks out, I must be prepared for ANYTHING.

Monsters, you see, well they are scary because they are unknown; if I could walk up and talk to my monster maybe it would be easier to understand.  Though this monster, it has come along for a long journey we have been together for years but it wasn't always as obvious as it has become in recent ones.

Now where the monster stands, is at the foot of my bed and each morning I wake up, remembering a time when I didn't want it under my bed and think now, I wish it only to go back there.  I have in fact, known this monster was coming; I could tell stories, it doesn't mean it makes it any easier.

There are days that yelling at my monster would be easier, then dealing with the situations it causes but I'm not allowed to yell at my monster because again my monster doesn't understand and that's just not fair. I wish I knew how to fix it, to make it easier to accept; this monster will eventually affect my children, affect my family, affect all around me and for that, I'm eternally sorry. You will make assumptions from that statement but you would be wrong, this isn't me, I'm not the story.

I know you are all asking, "What is the monster?" Well, as a amazing friend recently asked me after hearing a story about my monster, "What can I do for YOU?" And that is probably the hardest question, because I don't know how to answer, and because to those who do know and those who don't, my monster is scary to them in different ways, maybe its a fear that reality is worse then any fiction. And this is in, fact my reality, it is something that I have to learn to live with, I have few options anymore.

The monster has no name yet; the simple fact of, I didn't want to accept it. Naming it, well it made it real, and I know, I soon, will have no choice, it will have an ugly name and it won't be like Mikey from Monsters, Inc. It will be one that changes my world. I will have to explain to people the reality of my situation and take care of things I never expected to.


My monster has already taken away a lot, the darkness under my bed well it has started to ooze to touch things I have held dear, but it is not my monsters fault and that's the hardest part. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanna be mad at my monster, but its would be to no avail.

So please know, though I have many things together in my life, I'm a proud mom, wife, daughter, and business woman but monsters still lurk under my beds.