YOU DAMN WELL BETTER KNOW IT

Eleven years ago… November 25th, 2002
I weighed 350 pounds and was a single mom.

I can’t seem to write that sentence without tearing up; I have heard many times, How did you do it? I’m fair, I mean, FAIR from PERFECT but… Boy if you had known me then, it is, far different.

When I was a little girl, my daddy told me one thing, “Kristin, you are a princess.” and it didn’t matter my outer appearance, my daddy thought I was the most beautiful angel ever. I was a chosen child, Kristin that’s my name, Chosen. So when you have that gift, OBESITY, doesn’t matter. I didn’t have bulimia or anorexia; I didn’t have cancer or leukemia. I, was healthy but large, and I mean extra large. For the most part, I did all things you did when you were young, I had a few things that I couldn’t do but well, I never thought I was different.  My parents made sure of that.

It wasn’t until I was a mom that I ever thought I was different, and when a future boyfriend, an abusive boyfriend asked was that a shadow or fat after sending him a picture (I guess I should have thought that was a bad relationship) but I charged thru and almost married him(insert really crazy face). Living in Las Vegas, I had personality and that saved me no beauty needed. That had always been my saving grace, Kristin was the funny girl.  I remember at 20 years old living in my second floor condo and having trouble breathing getting up the stairs carrying my little man, who thought Momma was the most beautiful thing ever.

It was unmistakably hard, I was alone alot, and I was scared. But my family, oh gosh, my mom and dad they stood by me every single day. My dad, he believed in and still believes in me every day. He never said an ill word about my size, EVER. And honestly, I don’t know how; love is the only thing I can say is what helped him. I know he worried, a lot about me. He worried about the little boy who would grow up mother less if things didn’t change and he worried about the life I would never get to lead, but he NEVER, EVER would have said a word. 

I can’t tell you when it happened but on a nondescript day in 2001, I called him and said, “So, Dad…”
And as is stereo typical for my dad, he responded, “How much is this going to cost?”
“$xx,xxx????”
“Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, say what?????”

As I explained in my most brave voice, “I’m obese, Dad.” I could hear the deafening silence, “I’m going to die, Daddy.” Because I knew there was no way of getting around it, I was dying.

After a long and tearful conversation about options and things I had tried and things I could do and what ifs. My dad and I made what I can only describe as the most life changing decision ever, Gastric Bypass.

I have spoken about GB, many times and I stand to say GB is a commitment. Your life is forever changed because of GB. It will never be something that is easy, and anyone who says it is an easy way out can give me a call. Not that I think there aren’t better ways but 11 years ago, I saw no options to the decisions I made. And I live every day with conditions brought to courtesy of GB.

People often ask me, “Would you ever go back?”
“NOT in one millions years.”
Though I have things that have changed because of GB, I’m alive.


I wake up every morning with a husband who knows nothing of the past, my 15 year old remembers so very little of that time. And my eight year old, sees pictures and knows nothing of the person he sees. He recognizes his big brother(As they are identically twins, 7 years apart) but the woman, the woman he sees he knows nothing of. She is a stranger, and to me, she is almost gone, too. By pure size she is most definitely missing, and from memory it is almost frightening remembering who she once was. My best friend, Traci before she died often reminded me, “Don’t forget her, Kristin.” I saw her once, after the operation, at one of my lowest points in my weight lose, she cried. She wrapped her arms around me, and cried. In her eyes, I didn’t know what I saw but I know now, she finally saw my future, Traci knew I was going places.

I have to back up a moment, on the day of my operation, my dad had flown in, I think more to make sure the operation happen than anything else. He was there as the portly orderly rolled me away for the last time and he was the first hand and voice I heard the moment I woke up from my operation. He told me to listen, he told me the people around me would take care of me, he kissed me on the forehead and left for the airport, you see he had change plans to attend a meeting to be with me on my operation day. I fell prompt back to sleep, to wake up to the softest hand I knew, Trac, she was sitting there waiting for my eyes to open. I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want to do anything. To know Trac was to love her, and there was no getting out of doing as I was told. Within an hour I was up, I still remember her voice telling me, “You’ll feel better, if you get to walking.” “Get the gas out.” As she giggled.

I didn’t know where I was going eleven years ago, I didn’t know what to expect. My life, dramatically changed in 1,000 ways with in the first 12 months. Some for the best, and some for not so good. I have lost some friends and I have learned so much about LIFE, I didn’t know anything until GB. I was a baby, and very protected. I have gotten to be strong and defiant of society’s norms, am I different YOU DAMN WELL BETTER KNOW IT. And I’m proud of it. Do I wish I was more like my beautiful, stunning, amazing pageant friends, oh my, YES PLEASE. But Traci, my dad, my mom, and all my friends they knew I was going places, today I look around at all I have accomplished and do I wish my checking account had more zeroes in it, YEP, but man, I’m honored to be someone people look up to and people want to be like, how can I think I have it bad.

Life isn’t what you start with, it’s what you make it. My dad often laughs at me when I post pictures of the old me, and questions my motivation. Well, sometimes you have to be humble, she humbles me, as the does the tattoo I have on my foot, as a statement to who she was, being a whole person, I have friends who weight less than she did, makes you think. Go to the grocery store and pick up 50 lbs. of flour and carry it around the store, call me when it is over I carried 3 times that every day until November 25th, 2002 when I was 350 lbs and a single mom to a 4 year old little boy.