I make bad decisions........

I make bad decisions, whether Directly or Indirectly... Though at some point it would be interesting to look at the percentage of decisions I make on each front but I guess that's a MUTE point.

And so I ask, DO YOU????????

Do you remember the last bad decisions you made?  Did it have to do with LOVE, LIFE or YOUR HAIR????

Because I sit here this evening wondering Why we make BAD DECISIONS...

Why do we eat to much?

Why do we drink to much?

Why do we love to much?                  

I ask more for my kids then for me. Recently, I heard someone say "I'm to old to change!" Well, frankly, I might be to old to change... At 34 years old, do I have the capability to change in a dramatic way.


I was an adult EARLY... I'm not blaming anything on that but maybe my bad decisions started out well, 18 years ago. Don't get me wrong I'm blessed BEST KID EVER. I mean Moon, Stars and all that jazz, but would I have been different had I left Alaska in 1999 and gone all the way to St. Augustine, Florida and Flagler College where I had applied to go to college. Would you be different today if not for one small decision?

And what would it matter, other then whom you still associate with did those decisions you know the ones I'm talking about the ones about who you Love, Like and who (my favorite) Stand... Would it have changed you???

Do you regret those losses? I'm not immune to the loss of someone, I miss people as does everyone.  At this point in my life you either look at me as a reckless idiot or you look at me as an innovator.  Well, I'm here to say I'm HUMAN with faults and cracks and I know all this to be true.  And I'm accepting all of it.  I appreciate the people who think me reckless, because they really aren't watching close enough to know I have a plan and for those that think I'm an innovator well, I'm really just doing this all on a wing and a prayer.

As my neighbor yell at each other today I wonder, was I them.  I have been told by people smarter then me that all decisions are made on two things: FEAR and MONEY.  That seems so linear, two things to base everything on but as I think about it, what a true statement.  I lived my life for so long based on a number in my checking account or in disappointing someone else, FEAR and MONEY, honey you are for sure right.

All that being said, I wish to know or have pure confidence that my decisions aren't bad...  They are HUMAN. Sometimes in love, it hurts, Sometimes in eating you get "uncomfortable" and Sometimes in drinking you need ALEVE in the morning but it is all okay.

A long time ago, I judged someones decisions. I judged my Best Friend's decisions as bad decisions it wasn't my place, if I could go back today I'd tell her, "Go for it, I got your back in the end. ALWAYS."  I didn't get that opportunity, we lost TRAC before I could ever grow up and get it, we lost her to her decisions. Forever, I wish I could change my bad decisions to change this one moment in time.

I said earlier, I'm to OLD to change... Guess what, maybe that isn't entirely true.  I can choose today to be different, to stop making judgement on others for their decisions and to be okay with my own decision both directly and indirectly to remember that life isn't always right or fair or expected.

And that for once in my life, I can be okay with other peoples look on my decisions because honestly if they judge me that is just their own bad decision.